Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How often do you post?
A: It’s Random.
Q: Have you ever tried to record the sound of two termites making love inside the cockpit of a balsa wood model airplane?
A: Yes. Unfortunately though I had the pause button on.
Q: Was that you hiding in the bushes outside my bedroom the other night wearing a t-shirt that said “Come to Poppa” holding a microphone up to my window?
A: No. That was someone else.
Q: Do you like pineapple?
A: Yes, I like pineapple very much.
Q: I made a recording of the amazing sounds our adorable baby makes when she watches our cat Mr. Bojangles go potty in the litter box. Would you post it on your blog?
Q: Are you sure that wasn’t you outside my window? I am pretty sure I recognized your voice when you were making pretend bird noises.
A: From now on all questions on this blog will be answered by my attorney Mr. Schmuklstein.
Q: Last Friday night I got a DUI on my way home from The Rusty Olive. I tried to explain to officer Jerkface that I was swerving because I was trying to get to a Reese’s Pieces that was stuck in the hole where my emergency brake used to be. Can I appeal my ticket?
A: Sounds to me like a classic case of an irresponsible candy company manufacturing a hazardous product. We here at Schmuklstein & Bonk would gladly defend you against the grave injustice you have experienced.